Life passes by..

Though it's hardly a life :( . No variation, no change. Routine and monotonous!!!

It's only a day back that I'm back from home. A thoroughly irritating spell of 15 days that I spent there has led me decide not to ever go for a leave for this "long" a period. Most of my UG college-mates were out of town. So I used to spend the entire day at home, all alone, browsing through TV channels and turning pages of newspapers or conference papers :D :D that I carried along as my trip was followed by a thrash from my advisor (or in his word, exhortation :| ) on account of my being too much laid back after the end-semester exams. Goddamn lazy as I am, I'm fortunate to be made to work by occasional thrashes :) . Anyway, added to that was the torturous humid summer ( now I find the dry North Indian summer much more tolerable). In short, I'm happy to be back here.

That doesn't mean I spend quality time out here. My one year's stay at IIT Kanpur has been far from happening. I attribute the reason partly to the environment I'm currently in and mostly to myself.

A few days ago I was asked a strange question which I did not have any concrete answer to . When I'm not doing anything specific what do I generally think? What goes on in my mind ( of course other than some intriguing graph theory problem which I can think over any time I'm free) when I'm sitting idly in a bus or cycling down the campus road? In IIT, one cannot survive without a bicycle as hostels, departments, main gate, campus market all are kilometres away from one another :|

The friend who asked me the question actually wanted to know how much time I spend on planning my future, with the intention of drawing a comparison between himself and somebody else. Future includes everything. Future life. That may include education, profession, wedding, some interesting way to get at some queer and maybe personal dream(if there is any) I cherish. But he asked a horribly wrong person. Even "I take life as it comes" would be an understatement.

I have long left planning for future since the day the realization occured in me that I'm too lethargic to achieve fulfilment of any long term plan. I really feel amused to think that future doesn't bother me at all :D :D

I once used to learn riding motorcycle. The bike was one of my friend's. Wise as he is, he never used to let me ride on my own. He used to sit on the back seat(well aware of the danger he is running himself in) continuously giving me directions: change gear, blow horn, show indicator, press brake!!!... leaving me completely confused with so many controls at my hands and feet :|
But I was as delighted as ever. It has happened several times that I rode in moderate-high speed over a series of bumpers which completely escaped my notice, or what is even more alarming, I took turns in crossings without blowing horn or even giving careful notice at the vehicles around. I was busy, and completely perplexed, with my controls. So this are extreme examples of my complete disregard for future. Here future means very near future, maybe a few seconds ahead, say a speeding lorry only few yards away from me. So thoughts of future play no role in my life...be it near future or distant future. I leave it to the reader to imagine how it feels to take a bike-ride when the handles are at my hands. Nevertheless I got used to screams and scary warnings from the back seat :|

I would like to add here that I'm not as bad at riding bicycle. I can confidently assure anybody that unless he is awfully unfortunate he can safely take a ride on my career. I believe that the reason is lesser number of controls. My cycle which I bought second(or third or more) hand doesn't even have one of the brakes!!! The lesser the controls, the better :D . But the trouble is that the other brake doesn't grip well. I however have mastered the art of bringing my cycle to abrupt rest. The trick is to press the lone brake as hard as you can and put down your feet. The impact between your shoes and ground may tear off the sole...but the cobbler is just round the corner :) In case you happen to be bare-footed the health center is not too far off. One doesn't always get to exploit the free health services offered by the institute.

So I just live the present. I believe to make the present a bit interesting being this much apathetic towards future doesn't do. Currently I can improve my life a bit by taking a little more interest in the academic work I'm doing and to bring regularity in swimming which I started since the beginning of this month. I don't have any better idea as to what can immediately be done to live a little better life. The four years of my BE had been glorious and the best period of my life so far. The present life is way more mundane as compared to that life. Right now I don't have any strong emotional thrust which may jolly well make a person live only for it. I'm confident I won't let any oppurtunity go by if anything of that sort comes about...but I really don't dare to even desire for something like that as that may hugely aggravate the present state instead of adding spice and salt and making it "tastier" :|